pffanonfandomcom-20200213-history
The Far and Unfamiliar Home
Prologue and Epilogue // "Nice kids. Nice, nice kids..." The major sighed. To his left, a weak red-haired young man nodded in agreement. "They certainly were, sir." "Well, we've successfully kept the secrets of the agency safe another day." Monogram cracked his knuckles absently as he spoke. "Carl, I do believe this calls for a celebration..." "We get to do bad 1980's movie night again?!" The boy clapped with glee, which prompted his employer to roll his eyes and sigh again. "Yes, yes we do...first, though, make sure you mindwipe the entire town of the events of the past day. Any mention of it in the future could cause mass chaos." "Ooh, which button do I press, sir?" "See that big red one? Third to the left." Carl pushed down on it, causing it to produce a small "bleep". A shockwave came forth and crossed through the entire town, taking any memories of gigantic robots or a second dimension or little animals wearing fedoras with it. "...Did it work, sir?" He asked. "Did what work?" Monogram looked genuinely confused. "I...don't know. What were we doing?" "I dunno either, but the keys are still on the desk, so...lock up when you're ready to leave." // True Prologue LAND 245tRm 2011, A.D. 13 September BUFORD // The economy wasn't hilarious. No, times were harder than they'd ever been. Irving had no idea what he was doing, nor did any of his officials. And Buford didn't know what all the machines were for, or why they had to be so big that they needed so much oil. What HAD been hilarious was how he'd flat out left his post when he heard the news that they wanted thirty new rigs built in three days. You know how long it'd take Buford and all his best guys to build six rigs? Two months; four if you wanted them to be great. And now, here he was, sitting at his office desk and collecting unemployment checks. Buford hated to be taking the money he hadn't worked for, but it wasn't like he was going to find another job anytime soon. This new government was about all there was to work in, and Irving was vengeful. If he exed you out of the circle once, you would never get back in. Buford sighed and turned a page in the paper. The jobs section shrank every week. Making small interference with his thoughts was the humming of the television set, a female newscaster droning on about the current events, very little of which he actually received. "Recent surveys show a minor downturn...and will correct the situation...and a new policy that guard dogs will be posted...technology allows...we have entered day three of the SFAR project...thousands into custody within the day...President McAllister states that it is ultimately in the best interest of the nation to relocate these figures. All relocated figures will be sent to prison functions out of the country..." Buford snorted. Right, suspicious figures. Of course. And this was the moment the phone rang, the moment where Buford picked it up to hear his desperate mother's voice begging for him to get out of his home. And then, screaming, static, the call dropped. Inhaling deeply, Buford stood up from his chair. Well, that couldn't have been good. But mother is always right, no? Buford scanned the walls of his little apartment. Only the essentials...not bringing clothes or soap or anything like that. A man could survive on his own. He needed the big guns. Finally, his eyes settled upon the large axe hanging over his door. Iron. Finely sharpened. Guaranteed to slice through a cinder block like it was butter. And only a decoration...until Buford gripped it firmly by the leather-bound handle, removing it from its position over the door. Just one more thing. Buford, axe over his shoulder, went down the hall until he came to the vent. Now, to tend to the matter of unscrewing the metal front. He had a screwdriver in the cabinet, on one hand; on the other, he had an axe now. With one thrust of the blade, a good-sized section of the drywall was crumbling around a deep slit. As for the vent, it was history, crumpled and clinging to the axe blade. As Buford reached into the vent, he checked his watch with his free-hand. 7:00. An hour before guards came out. Ah! There it was! Buford pulled the wide, thin case out of the vent. Shouldering the axe again, he nudged open his door and darted into the night. The woods seemed a good location for a man. Now, all he needed was an alibi. Well, he had time for that. The nearest wood was forty miles away. // ~ Portal opened in sector I-XRE...seventy-seven in width. Activating shields...shields successfully activated. Now closing sector portal M-QDER. Portal opened in sector E-RTH...width HMN regular. Activating shields...error. ~ // CANDACE // Gotta get out. Phineas. Ferb. Albert. Irving. Perry. Gotta get out. Candace growled and rested her face in her palm. These were names for...what? Who were they? How did she know them? Were they the right ones? Her memory was blurry. So blurry...she thought. How could she know? She'd never been more confused in her life; more unsure of the world around her...she could barely remember her place and duty when she woke up in the morning. She didn't even know her name. She didn't even know she was human. Her second favorite of the dogs slowly howled beside her, despite the absence of a moon. As punishment, the dog nearest him slapped him across the snout, his claws drawing small scratches. Candace growled in response, and they both shrank away to the back of the fleet. It was hard not to know what was going on, but at least she had her dogs, her soldiers. Much better to have protection and an army than a name. Still, these names that she remembered...they had to have some importance, right? They were all she remembered, after all, and she could never shake them. ...Where had she been before now? And what was this language that these men spoke in? Could she know it? Gotta get out. Phineas. Ferb. Albert. Irving. Perry. Gotta get out. // ~ Sector portal E-RTH widening 3HMN regular...5 HMN regular...attempting system reboot. Error. Reboot failed, backing up system...Error. Could not back up system. 9 HMN regular...full passageway. Locking portal width...portal width locked. ~ // 14 September BALJEET and SUZY // It was a miraculous thing that had happened. Of course it would've been enough to him if he could just stay under the ground, completely unnoticed, to plan his revolt. He had just started to build this base, a place where he could command a force, a place where people could have their freedom. But the problem was, he was alone. For a moment. Not anymore. These two girls had stumbled into his base, and judging by their shock in reaction to the fall, Baljeet had covered the entrance well. Now they were sitting upon their knees, staring--a look of curiosity occupied the face of the blond, while the smaller girl (who seemed of Chinese origins) held back with a gaze of fear. These may've been the two people he needed; the two that could help him change the world back to its proper ways. All that he had to do now was convince them to...endanger their lives...for a worthy cause, as it was. He cleared his throat. "I am Baljeet Rai...the professor." "Yeah..." The blond slowly stood. "I think I know." It was working so far. "Welcome to my..." the man grinned nervously, "home...of sorts." The girl nodded in response. "Yes...nice." "Are there..." Baljeet coughed again. "Are there any...guards? Out there?" "Not anymore." The smaller girl finally spoke. "Good...I do believe that I may have an offer for you...if you do not mind having to listen to a bit of a story." // ~ Portal now connecting. Data assessing...1%...2%...3%... ~ // JEREMY // "...And all those taken into custody are expected to be released by next fall. More on that later. This just in, a fire has started on the corner of--" Jeremy dropped the remote onto the floor. Sighing, he turned slowly to face the rest of his men...the ones that he could gather, anyway. They appeared as equally miserable as he was. "Well then..." One of his larger men finally stood, speaking slowly, "so much for waiting for McAllister to come to his senses, eh, Johnson?" "What?" Jeremy asked, with small tremor in his voice. "No, no, don't worry. That's what I gathered you boys for." "You're just as bad a liar as I remember, man." Another man muttered from his place in the back of the room. "Look, if I hadn't been anticipating this, you wouldn't all be down here listening to me." Jeremy insisted. "Yeah, he's right--why ARE we down here?" A third one of the men jeered. To this, the rest of the room's occupants laughed. Since this was such a rare occurrence, Jeremy couldn't help but smile. "Alright, alright, let's get serious. Irving is still the young man you remember--not as nice as he was, but he still likes to bite off more than he can chew. He's just got some armed force behind him now." Jeremy called over the laughter. "Might I remind you that there are only twelve men here and hardly a shred of gunpowder between us?" The first man pointed out. "We'd be lucky if they don't laugh us out of D.C." "Yeah, but McAllister served under me for six years. I think I know him well enough to beat him." Jeremy replied. "You don't know him anymore..." One in the back sighed. Jeremy sighed and turned away. No, he didn't know him anymore. He was a different boy than before, and there was no doubt that he could handle himself now. Man, he missed being the blonde-haired guitar guy. // ~ 56%....67%...84%... ~ // 15 September ISABELLA // "The phrase 'SFAR' (Suspicious Figure Acquirement and Relocation) is an acronym that is undoubtedly used only to sound smart. In reality, despite the clear meaning of the full name, little is known about the project. What signifies a suspicious figure? The police aren't telling anyone. The government is living in secrecy. Many journalists have been reportedly thrown out onto the lawn of the White House by the Secret Service every time they approached President McAllister (20). I'm going to be honest, now; I liked this guy. However, as a journalist, I am contractually obligated to oppose him on at least one major topic, and this is it. Boo." Isabella slumped back in her chair, blinking lazily at her laptop screen. "Uhhhh..." She murmured to herself, stuck. Goodie, and her deadline was tomorrow morning. Irritated, Isabella checked her watch. 8:42 P.M. Hopefully, this wasn't like the last block she'd had, which lasted for six weeks...what was the problem? Making fun of Irving should've been easy. She remembered that Buford could practically do it in his sleep (though that would've been immensely disturbing). Maybe she was just cursed with being too kind... Now Isabella's eyes landed on the one thing she ever let remain on her desk--that photograph of the kid with the pointiest head in the world. Isabella couldn't help but smile as she saw it. The picture had been taken years ago, when Phineas and his step-brother were just about to go into college. After that phase of their lives, they went on to designing technology. Not creative and fun technology...let's just call it "practical" technology. And...she had no idea where they were today. She hadn't heard from them in months, and then Irving went crazy...but surely they were alright. Right? Isabella's thoughts were interrupted by a small knocking on the door. In her mind, it was far too late for anyone she knew to pay a visit. So, naturally, the only way to find who was there was to answer... "Oh! Good evening officers..." Isabella spoke, seeing the men before her. Their expressions were noticeably unamused. "You're coming with us, Ms. ...Garcia-Shapiro." The foremost officer spoke, slowly taking a hard grip on the woman's arm. // ~ 98%...Data assessed. Location--Milky Way galaxy. First Dimension. North America, United States of America... ~ // 17 September STACY // "L-let me out." The woman gasped behind the glass wall, banging her fists. "I-I thought we had an agreement!" From a large vent in the ceiling, static crackled and a microphone screeched. Finally, a cold voice, nearly robotic, filled the dome. "That's a negative. Protocol only requires us to follow the plans conceived in this country. And you happened to be in...Uruguay at the time." "But...it was a promise!" Stacy fumed. "And he sold me out--you all did!" She banged her fists twice against the glass. "I...I'' paid ''YOU!" "Yes, Ms. Hirano, and you were very generous with your funds; thank you very much. But we're afraid we're only following the desired plan of action." "What, was there another plan?!" Stacy sat against the wall, shouting up at the ceiling. Her face suddenly fell in realization. "Th-there was another plan." "Indeed, Ms. Hirano. You're bright." An electric current suddenly slid throughout the glass wall, meeting within the woman's spine. Stacy screamed, falling forth from the wall upon her face. Groggily, she pushed her body up from the dirt--dirt? Stacy looked around and noticed that the scenery had suddenly changed. Her surroundings were bizarre. Despite being indoors, the enormous structure represented some outside world. Several small shacks, constructed of thin wooden planks, were littered over a ground of gravel, dust, and dirt. Stacy wandered up to the one nearest and gently stroked its left side. Quickly, she pulled her hand back, wincing. The splinter in her finger confirmed that it was real. The majority of these shacks were in the fields. There were three of them--corn, wheat, soybean--and they were all separated from each other by fences made of metal wire knotted together. Each little cabin had a small circle carved out for them in their field, and on all sides of them there was probably only a yard or two to move around. The rest was undisturbed save for the nearest cabin's circle. Stacy turned behind her and discovered, with a jolt of shock, that the glass wall had suddenly transformed into a thick, tall forest. She took a couple steps back and then darted at them. Rather than hit any sort of barrier, she found herself actually able to run through the thicket, which confirmed that it, too, was somehow real. She ran without being able to stop herself...until she went face-first into a tree that she somehow didn't notice. Collapsing to the ground again, Stacy could only stare upward. Here, she saw no sky, but the same domed ceiling as before. The only difference was that large, gray clouds were floating overhead. "Don't worry, Ms. Hirano," The man spoke reassuringly, "You will not be alone here for long." // ~ ...Jefferson county, Danville, Oakley Waters division. Maple Drive. 6753... ~ // The Hole in the Basement "Irving...Irving...IRVING!" Albert was huddled in one corner, teeth chattering as he yelled. "CLOSE THE DOOR!" There were times in Danville where it got cold. It could get cold anywhere in the world. And then, sometimes, it got COLD. It had gone from a pleasing January to a photograph of frozen death. Everything, though gradually, that week, had slipped into the grip of snow and ice. Everything under the sun was encased in thick frost--so to speak, as the sun wasn't even present. The sky was currently dominated by an endless quilt of gray clouds, pouring down a thick cascade of snow. The ice had driven every power cord to snap in town. Luckily, a couple of smart kids constructed a large heater in their house and were willing to share it while their parents were away. Yet, despite how smart the boys were, this wasn't enough. It wasn't even enough to have all the prominent characters of the neighborhood in the same room to give off enough heat. Thusly, Albert had to sit in the corner with his coat zipped, hood flipped upwards. Even with everyone wearing their heavy coats, Candace still had to light all the candles in the house. Nothing could stop the freezing cold. And Irving letting the basement door hang wide open wasn't helping at all. "What is he doing down there?" Candace wondered aloud, lighting some candles on the coffee table. "He's probably busy being an idiot." Albert mumbled scornfully, rising to his feet. "I'm gonna check on him." "Well, you might want to put on a pair of cleats; the stairs down to the basement aren't carpeted and they're probably pretty--" "GAAAAAH!!" Whumpf. "...Slippery." Candace finished. "You don't say?" Albert mumbled as he attempted to stand. The ground escaped him, slick with ice, and he fell once again upon his rear. "Err...what was that offer you made with the cleats?" As a response, Candace tossed a pair of cleats down onto him from the top of the stairs. "Ow--thanks." "Yeah, yeah." Candace shrugged simply as she put on her own pair and descended the staircase slowly. "Irving, are you down here?" Albert called impatiently. "Yep!" The younger boy hollered back, poking his head out from the ceiling, of all places. His older brother jumped in surprise. "What are you doing in there?!" He exclaimed. "Well, last week, when Phineas and Ferb were building the giant robotic barista for the Mocha Festival, I brought my scrapbook with me, but we were hanging out around here for a while before so I left it down here, I think, but I don't really remember why we were in the--" "How did you get in the CEILING?" Albert demanded. "There was just a gigantic hole here! Weird." "But HOW?" "Ladder. How else?" "Isn't it a little...you know...cramped in there?" Candace asked, peering up at Irving. "Not really!" A second voice answered now as Phineas poked his head out through the hole. "Phineas?" Candace looked a bit shocked. "Yes, and Ferb, and...Isabella, Baljeet, Buford..." "Pretty huge, really." Isabella cut in, looking down. "You guys are all gonna be SOOOO busted...um...i-if you don't get down from there!" Candace's threat came slowly as she pulled out her phone. "Ugh!" Buford groaned. "What is it even FOR anymore?" "This time? So you don't HURT yourselves." Candace flipped open her cell as she spoke. She was met with a completely black screen. She paused to power it up...and it remained black. "Huh...?" "Maybe the mysteeeeerriouus force is trying to tell you something. Like...your batteries are dead!" Albert mocked, smirking. "Aw, can it. Gimme your phone." Albert shrugged, taking his out of his pocket, and pressed the power button. It remained off. "Well...that's convenient." He sighed. "You can't possibly--! Phineas! Phone!" Candace growled. "Huh." Phineas murmured. "It doesn't seem to be working." "UUUGH...Ferb!" "No dice, Candace." Phineas answered for his brother. "Wow. Me neither." Isabella added. Soon, there was a small chorus confirming that none of their cellulars were working. "That's just insane. Phineas, what did you--" Candace was cut short by a small flickering of her flashlight. After a flicker or two, it went out completely. "Awww, that's just--Phineas...what's that?" The hole was flooded with a pale green light. "I'm not sure...come on Ferb, let's go check it out!" Phineas exclaimed. The two of them shuffled away, leaving four in the ceiling and two on the ground. "Albert, what are you doing?" Candace asked, eyeing the boy suspiciously as he hauled the ladder over to just underneath the opening. "Hauling a ladder." He answered simply. "I can see that but why--" "And now, I'm CLIMBING a ladder." Albert interrupted as he began to ascend. "Why, though?" Candace grunted again, annoyed. "Well...I wanna see what's up here, milady." "See what's--! Dirt and rats! That's what's up there!" Candace exclaimed. She stepped up onto the first rung. "Do you hear me?! Dirt and rats and creepy-eerie-greeny-lighty-things! A-and it's icky!" While she hollered, Albert was among his fellow men (and Isabella) in the crevice. The inside was no larger than the average crawlspace, thusly forcing each of its occupants to crouch over on their knees. However, the mysterious and visibly boundless light filled the place brightly, and all details were visible--except for the source of the light. "Ugh, I am so bored..." Buford whined incontently. He then dragged Baljeet up to his eye-level by the hair. "Hey doofus, what time is it?" "S-s-s-six t-twenty-four." The Indian boy stammered, checking his wristwatch. "Man, no wonder Buford is getting hungry." The bully mumbled in the third person. "Six twenty-four?" Candace gasped, checking her own watch. "Oh no! I was supposed to meet Jeremy thirty minutes ago!" Her concerns were met with a silence by the five remaining up above. "...You could at least try to care." "We could?" Albert asked in a dull tone. "I can't let him see me!" She cried, gripping her hair and resuming her panic. "Oooohhhh...quick!" She scrambled up the rungs and into the hole. "Hide me!" In a moment, after she had seated herself between Buford and Baljeet, there was a long pause. "...Now what do we do?" Baljeet asked. "...Wanna sing a song?" Irving suggested. Everyone's reply was an instantaneous "no". // Meanwhile, at D.E.I. ... "Ah-ha-ha-ha! Welcome, Perry the Platypus, back into my lair! I presume that you were not expecting THIS tra...aaah...aaaah-''choo!" The doctor sneezed into his lab coat's sleeve. "BAH! This again! NORM!" "This winter air is so refreshing!" The robotic man exclaimed, presenting Doofenshmirtz with a box of tissues as he wore his eternal smile. "Yeah..." Doofenshmirtz paused to blow into a tissue. "Refreshing if you're dead." "I don't think you're in the right spirit of things." Norm persisted. "After all, since you are not made of metal, you have internal organs that circulate blood through your veins that help increase your body temperature, so you aren't just a hollow tin can!" "...How am I supposed to rehearse this week's BRILLIANTLY evil monologue if I can't get through it without sneezing all over the place?!" Doof ignored his mechanical lackey's sarcasm. "''Daaaaad, it's totally freezing in here!" Vanessa groaned, now appearing at the foot of the stairs in a fur-lined coat. "Did you blow up the furnace for another evil experiment?" "Har-de-har, Vanessa; but the fact of the matter is that I don't know why the furnace isn't working today. Plus, my Fix-my-Furnace-Inator ''isn't working right, either!" The doctor sneezed again. "And this winter weather is giving me a rash, too." "Ointment, sir?" "Norm, never offer me that again." At present, the lights clicked off. "Oh, super. I guess your ''Keep-the-Lights-Working-Inator is also broken?" Vanessa gave her father a pointed glance in the darkness. "Oh my gosh, why didn't I think of that?" He exclaimed. "Wait...what's that?" Vanessa pointed down to the floor. The tile had cracked and split, forming a small crevice, which was spilling over with a green-tinted light. "Hmm..." Doof got on his hands and knees and crawled closer to the small crack. He squinted into the bright light and said, "Well, it is most certainly not from any recent Inators that I've built; none of them have been attached into the ground or have had anything running--hey!" He cut himself off, pressing a little closer to the crevice. "Echo! ECHO! MY NAME IS HEINZ DOOFENSHMIRTZ!" Indeed, with every time the doctor shouted, his voice reverberated down in the earth below the crack's surface. "Wow, Vanessa, this is really amazing! Just IMAGINE all the evil uses that there are for a deep, endless crevi--WAAAAAAHHH!" The ground gave way then, right in the middle of the word. Doofenshmirtz was sent tumbling down into whatever lay down below. "DAD!" Vanessa screamed as she tried to grab his hand, but was, alas, a moment too late. Her father fell into the green abyss despite her efforts. "Oh my gosh...Norm!" She grabbed the arm of the robot and strongarmed him down the stairs with her. "That's me--Norm!" He exclaimed, oblivious as ever. // "Wow, Ferb. I didn't know that our crawlspace was so massive!" Phineas exclaimed as he crawled through. Isabella gasped. "I think we're close! The light's almost blinding now..." She grunted as everyone squinted. "Man, I can barely see my own imagination, it's so---whoa!" Phineas took a slip and fell onto his face. Just right after he pushed himself up from the wooden frames, he was stricken down again by the cold. Apparently, not only was the light stronger at this source, but so was the cold. It had been freezing before, sure, but this would turn your skin blue--looking at Ferb would show that it was true; the skin of his nose was tinted that color. Teeth were chattering like chainsaws buzz, and frozen breath hung in the air for several seconds after it was exhaled. They all stood still, like a doe in headlights, and were just as blind. "Oh man-n-n-n..." Phineas took a few blind steps forward. "What is going on-n-n d-d-down--AGH!" He jumped and yelped. He had apparently gotten as close to the light as he could, judging by how the tip of his nose felt singed. The aura around the light, or even the light itself, was intensely hot. Touching it felt like an electrocution. "Phineas!" Isabella cried frantically. "Are you okay?!" "I-I'm fine, m-my nose just got--" And his voice stopped. Just stopped. "Phineas...PHINEAS?!" Isabella shrieked as the light grew ever more fervent, visibly brighter even behind her closed eyelids. "FERB! WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Ferb could not say. His eyes were also closed, and in a light so blinding, it would've been impossible for them to know that their comrade had just been sucked into the vortex. // Vanessa had been expecting to see her dad sitting on the ground of the lobby, perhaps a bit singed around the edges from the light--it's not as if Doofenshmirtz wasn't really used to that kind of treatment from life. She expected to see the source of the light somewhere down here. When she got downstairs, however, the second expectation was almost immediately betrayed--not only was the green light absent, but there was no light at all. The lobby was pitch black, almost as if night had fallen while Vanessa and Norm where going down the stairs. "Oh, great." Vanessa grunted. "Norm, activate flashflight mode." A little sheet of metal on Norm's chest flipped back, and a large spotlight sat inside it. In a second, it clicked on, illuminating half of the room. "I did not know that I could do that!" Norm exclaimed. Vanessa observed the room in a bit of desperation. No, her father was not anywhere in sight. Norm turned to shine on the rest of the room. Not there either. be continued Category:PoptartPlus's Pages Category:Fanon Works Category:Stories Category:Irving Category:Albert Category:Buford Von Stomm Category:Baljeet Rai Category:Candace Flynn Category:Jeremy Johnson Category:Stacy Hirano Category:Suzy Johnson Category:Phineas Flynn Category:Ferb Fletcher Category:Fireside Girls Category:Isabella Garcia-Shapiro Category:Heinz Doofenshmirtz Category:Vanessa Doofenshmirtz Category:Perry the Platypus